good night binding

the look of disbelief i see in your eyes
as your heart starts to race from sudden surprise
as consciousness slowly creeps in your mind
being replaced by fear you soon will find
you notice your hands and feet are chained
to a pipe on the wall where blood is stained
your eyes meet mine a smile breaks on my face
the beating of your heart continuing to race
realization comes quick as you begin to scream
hoping to awaken from a horrible dream
i approach you slowly still wearing a grin
as i approach my table wondering where to begin
i select a small knife with a handle that's blue
one that i have been saving just for you
you begin to plead promising me anything
choose your words carefully for i only want on thing
i kneel down in front of you put the blade to your cheek
begin to pull it slowly as the cut starts to leak
the blood from your cheek continuously floes
as i begin to cut off all of your clothes
you now start to cry as tears mix with blood
pooling into drops that fall on the rug
i walk back to my table and put the knife down
pause for a moment and turn back around
your eyes follow me as i walk to the sink
grab a bucket of water, turn to you and wink
I walk back over bucket in hand
As you make every effort to try and stand
that look in your eyes fuels my hunger
as I grab you hair and hold your head under
You flail and jerk trying to gain control
You stupid bitch you should know your role
The bubbles of air cause The water to churn
As your lungs empty of air begin to burn
I release your hair as you frantically gasp for air
Your eyes soon find mine and the smile I wear
Again you try to stand but the chains have a lock
As I slowly remove my pants to reveal a fat cock
At this point u realize there's nothing you can do
You just sit there and accept what is coming for you
I grab your hair again pushing your head under
The frail shell of innocence being torn asunder
You gasp for air just before I begin
I now grab my cock and force it right in
With both hands wrapped tightly around your throat
I fuck your mouth hard as you start to choke
Globs of saliva begin to run down your chin
As I look towards the bucket and force you back in
Then back to the table I return once more
As you collapse motionless on the floor
This time I choose a  black whip with a lead tip
I walk over and use it to spread your pussy's lip
I take a step back and let the whip crack
A spray of blood flies as it slashes your back
Your pearly white back is now tattered with red
As I rhythmically stroke my shaft and my head
I continue whipping while stroking my dick
Then lean over your back a begin to lick
The blood ignites fury running straight through my mind
I wrap the whip round your neck and fuck you from behind
I pull the whip harder as my dick penetrates deeper
Again you gasp as your body gets weaker
I collect some blood  from off your back
Use it to lube my dick then give your ass smack
I take my dick and plunge it hard in your ass
As I reach to my table and grab a small glass
I release my whip grab my knife that is blue
Hold it to your thigh and begin to cut you
The blood slowly pours into my glass
As I'm still fucking the shit out of your ass
I light up a cigarette and blow smoke in the air
Press the cherry to your skin pain u must bare
I hold the glass in the air as I give a toast
To that which I secretly love the most
I press is to my lips and swallow it down
As I force your frail body to turn around
I hold my knife to your throat as I make u suck my cock
Don't worry your fine i say just to mock
I make you suck till I fill your mouth with cum
As it seeps though your lips and begins to run
I then walk to the wall and unlocked the chains with a key
Toss them to the floor as u stare back at me
A smile breaks across your face
As the look of horror begins to erase
That's it my dear we now are done
I trust that you had lots of fun
Tomorrows my turn please don't hold back
Just remember the sound of the whip going crack

Here are 11 things that are technically banned by the Bible.

Here are 11 things that are technically banned by the Bible. (All quotes are translations from the New American Standard Bible, but, because I'm actually trying to maintain serious journalistic integrity here, I cross-referenced several other translations to make sure I wasn't missing the point.)

1. This butt cut is a guaranteed one-way ticket to sin.

   Round haircuts. See you in Hell, Beatles... and/or kids with bowl cuts, surfer cuts or (my favorite) butt cuts. Leviticus 19:27 reads "You shall not round off the side-growth of your heads nor harm the edges of your beard."
   
2. Football. At least, the pure version of football, where you play with a pigskin. The modern synthetic footballs are ugly and slippery anyways. Leviticus 11:8, which is discussing pigs, reads "You shall not eat of their flesh nor touch their carcasses; they are unclean to you."
   
   And you're doubly breaking that if you wake up, eat some sausage then go throw around the football. Or go to the county fair and enter a greased pig catching contest.
   
3. Fortune telling. Before you call a 900 number (do people still call 900 numbers, by the way?), read your horoscope or crack open a fortune cookie, realize you're in huge trouble if you do.
   
   Leviticus 19:31 reads "Do not turn to mediums or spiritists; do not seek them out to be defiled by them. I am the Lord your God." The penalty for that? Check Leviticus 20:6: "As for the person who turns to mediums and to spiritists, to play the harlot after them, I will also set My face against that person and will cut him off from among his people."
   
   Seems like a lifetime of exile is a pretty harsh penalty for talking to Zoltar.
   
4. Pulling out. The Bible doesn't get too much into birth control... it's clearly pro-populating but, back when it was written, no one really anticipated the condom or the sponge, so those don't get specific bans.
   
   But... pulling out does. One of the most famous sexual-oriented Bible verses... the one that's used as anti-masturbation rhetoric... is actually anti-pulling out.
   
   It's Genesis 38:9-10: "Onan knew that the offspring would not be his; so when he went in to his brother's wife, he wasted his seed on the ground in order not to give offspring to his brother. But what he did was displeasing in the sight of the Lord; so He took his life also."
   
   Yep -- pull out and get smote. That's harsh.
   

5. Banned.

   Tattoos. No tattoos. Leviticus 19:28 reads, "You shall not make any cuts in your body for the dead nor make any tattoo marks on yourselves: I am the Lord."
   
   Not even a little butterfly on your ankle. Or Thug Life across your abdomen. Or even, fittingly enough, a cross.
   
6. Polyester, or any other fabric blends. The Bible doesn't want you to wear polyester. Not just because it looks cheap. It's sinfully unnatural.
   
   Leviticus 19:19 reads, "You are to keep My statutes. You shall not breed together two kinds of your cattle; you shall not sow your field with two kinds of seed, nor wear a garment upon you of two kinds of material mixed together."
   
   Check the tag on your shirt right now. Didn't realize you were mid-sin at this exact second, did you? (Unless you checked the tag by rolling off your neighbor's wife while you two were having anal sex in the middle of robbing a blind guy. Then your Lycra-spandex blend is really the least of your problems.)
   
7. Divorce. The Bible is very clear on this one: No divorcing. You can't do it. Because when you marry someone, according to Mark 10:8, you "are no longer two, but one flesh." And, Mark 10:9 reads, "What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate."
   
   Mark gets even more hardcore about it a few verses later, in Mark 10:11-12, "And He said to them, 'Whoever divorces his wife and marries another woman commits adultery against her; and if she herself divorces her husband and marries another man, she is committing adultery.'"
   
8. Letting people without testicles into church. Whether you've been castrated or lost one or two balls to cancer isn't important. The Bible doesn't get that specific. It just says you can't pray.
   
   Deuteronomy 23:1 reads (this is the God's Word translation, which spells it out better), "A man whose testicles are crushed or whose penis is cut off may never join the assembly of the Lord."
   
   Oh, and the next verse says that if you're a bastard, the child of a bastard... or even have a great-great-great-great-great-great-great-grandchild of a bastard, you can't come to church or synagogue either. Deuteronomy 23:2 reads, "No one of illegitimate birth shall enter the assembly of the Lord; none of his descendants, even to the tenth generation, shall enter the assembly of the Lord."
   
9. Wearing gold. 1 Timothy 2:9 doesn't like your gold necklace at all. Or your pearl necklace. Or any clothes you're wearing that you didn't get from Forever 21, Old Navy or H&M.
   
   "Likewise, I want women to adorn themselves with proper clothing, modestly and discreetly, not with braided hair and gold or pearls or costly garments."
   

10. Lobster, shrimp and clam chowder: All banned.

    Shellfish. Leviticus 11:10 reads, "But whatever is in the seas and in the rivers that does not have fins and scales among all the teeming life of the water, and among all the living creatures that are in the water, they are detestable things to you." And shellfish is right in that wheelhouse.
    
    Leviticus 11 bans a TON of animals from being eaten (it's THE basis for Kosher law); beyond shellfish and pig, it also says you can't eat camel, rock badger, rabbit, eagle, vulture, buzzard, falcon, raven, crow, ostrich, owl, seagull, hawk, pelican, stork, heron, bat, winged insects that walk on four legs unless they have joints to jump with like grasshoppers (?), bear, mole, mouse, lizard, gecko, crocodile, chameleon and snail.
    
    Sorry if that totally ruins your plans to go to a rock badger eat-off this weekend.
    
11. Your wife defending your life in a fight by grabbing your attacker's genitals. No joke. Deuteronomy actually devotes two verses to this exact scenario: Deuteronomy 25:11-12.
    
    "If two men, a man and his countryman, are struggling together, and the wife of one comes near to deliver her husband from the hand of the one who is striking him, and puts out her hand and seizes his genitals, then you shall cut off her hand; you shall not show pity."
    
    That's impossible to misinterpret. Ladies, if your husband is getting mugged, make sure to kick the mugger in the pills. Do not do the grip and squeeze (no matter what "Miss Congeniality" might advise). Or your hand needs to be cut off.
    

As a final note, I know that nine of these 11 cite the Old Testament, which Christianity doesn't necessarily adhere to as law.

To which I say: If you're going to ignore the section of Leviticus that bans about tattoos, pork, shellfish, round haircuts, polyester and football, how can you possibly turn around and quote Leviticus 18:22 ("You shall not lie with a male as one lies with a female; it is an abomination.") as irrefutable law?

But that's me trying to introduce logic to religious fanaticism (or, at least, trying to counter some mix of ignorance, bigotry and narcissism with logic). And I should probably know better.

THE CREATION OF A PUSSY

SEVEN WISE MEN WITH KNOWLEDGE SO FINE CREATED A PUSSY TO THEIR DESIGN.
FIRST WAS A BUTCHER, SMART WITH WIT , USING A KNIFE , HE GAVE IT A SLIT.
SECOND A CARPENTER STRONG AND BOLD WITH A HAMMER AND CHISEL HE GAVE IT A HOLE.
THIRD WAS A TAILOR TALL AND THIN BY USING RED VELVET HE LINED IT WITHIN.
FOURTH WAS A HUNTER SHORT AND STOUT WITH A PIECE OF FOX FUR HE LINED IT WITHOUT.
FIFTH WAS A FISHERMAN NASTY AS HELL THREW IN A FISH AND GAVE IT A SMELL.
SIXTH WAS A PREACHER WHOSE NAME WAS MCGEE ,TOUCHED IT AND BLESSED IT AND SAID IT COULD PEE.
LAST CAME A SAILOR DIRTY LITTLE RUNT ,HE SUCKED IT AND FUCKED IT AND CALLED IT A CUNT.

children are the key

I hope my child looks back on today

and remembers a Mum who had time to play

There will be years for cleaning and cooking

But children grow up when we are not looking

Cleaning and scrubbing can wait till tomorrow
...'Cause babies grow fast, we learn to our sorrow
So settle down cobwebs, dust go to sleep
I'm cuddling my baby, and babies don't keep...

Children Live Here

My house isn't perfect, nor do I care if it is. We have toys on the floor, dishes in the sink, stains on the rug. Sometimes I envy the houses of friends with older children (or none at all!). But such is the cost of having small children, one I don't regret for a moment.

 "Children Live Here."

When we welcome you here today
We hope that you enjoy your stay
But one thing we ask you hold dear
Please remember: children live here

There are toys on the floor
Some marks on the door
Clothes scattered in the hall
And marker on the wall
We'll repaint it someday
But we have no time today

There are things in the sink
A Barbie skating rink
This stuff doesn't bother us
And real friends don't raise a fuss
They know the reason is clear
Yes, they know children live here

Instead of cleaning the wall
We went out and learned about Fall
In lieu of the porch being swept
I held the baby who slept
Those clothes were for dress up
While I cleaned a bigger mess up
And the noise tells everyone near
There's no doubt children live here

The happy laughter means more
Than seeing all of the floor
And please respect those kids
For this home is hers and his
We hold our family dear
And you knew children live here